From Christmas 2008 to July 2010, Brian and I went to church no more than 7 times. And...that's probably over-estimating. I know those of you who are Catholic are not pleased. :-)
As some background—Brian was raised Catholic and could probably count the number of times on two hands he missed Mass before he met me. I was raised Lutheran (ELCA) and my pre-college attendance wasn't quite as impressive as Brian's, but it was definitely up there. We were on the left side pew (about 7 rows back) at Mt. Olive most Sundays of the year.
Early into our relationship, we decided that regardless of what religion we were, we were going to do it together. None of this Laura's church and Brian's church.
Because we were living in Raleigh and Brian already had an established church, it made sense for us to go to his church. So we did. Pretty faithfully and it was good. Good enough that I decided to go through the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) process and become Catholic. So I did. The process lasted about a year and consisted of classes each Sunday morning. Brian took the classes with me and it was pretty good. Some of the days were boring, but some were really interesting. I enjoyed learning about the faith and felt confident in my decision. I didn't phone-in the experience. I really thought through it. I did a lot of reading and research. So, they let me in and I became Catholic (I think it was Nov. 2006.) After going to the church for a few months, Brian and I discussed that we didn't feel much of a connection to any of the priests. The parish is Jesuit and very large, which may or may not be what the problem was, but it wasn't a fulfilling experience for me. I think it was comfortable for Brian, but not fulfilling.
So, we set off for a couple of weeks and checked out a few other churches. And we found another Catholic church that we liked. The music was beautiful and the sanctuary was beautiful. (It was also a huge church.) And it was good. And then after a few months, it wasn't good. The same thing was happening for me—it wasn't fulfilling. The last time we went to that church was Easter 2010. The church was packed, we were stuck in the back, and I spent the whole time looking at everyone else's outfits and shoes. Afterward, Brian agreed that he wasn't into the service either. I thought to myself, what's the point? Why go if it's just a frustrating experience? Just go because I'm supposed to go at least once each weekend?
And we took a lot more time off. We definitely talked about church and going, but it never materialized. I know we both felt pressure and guilt. It wasn't good.
One night when we were driving home from dinner, we were discussing the possibility of eventually having children and we talked about how as we were growing up, we felt that going to church was an integral part of us becoming who we are. We knew that we wanted the same for any future, nonexistant children. I asked Brian if he would consider checking out another denomination and he immediately said yes. I told him that it didn't have to be Lutheran.
So, when we got home, we got online and did some denomination research and comparisons and we talked about what was important to us: a defined liturgy, a traditional worship experience, and good hymns. Our choices were pretty much: Catholic, Episcopal, or Lutheran. We checked out the faith statement on the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America and talked about other things on their website. (I'm not lying either—we really did discuss it.) We decided that we both agreed and so we did some research on ELCA congregations and found Grace Lutheran on Six Forks Road. (This definitely isn't Hickory where there is a Lutheran church (or three) on every corner!) A few Sundays later we got dressed up real pretty and went to the 11 a.m. service.
When we got there, Brian was stoked to get a bulletin and a hymnal with the liturgy. We were also immediately welcomed by people as we walked through the door. (That type of experience had never happened at the Catholic churches. At least not for me and definitely not from strangers.) The pastor wasn't preaching that day and there was a guest pastor. He was really awesome. As we were leaving, a handful of people came up to us and recognized that we were guests and welcomed us and invited us back. It was weird—the people actually felt genuine. (I'm generally skeptical when I meet new people. Not so good, but true.) We also realized it was clearly a very small church, if that many people knew we were visitors. (There are about 100 people at each service: 8:15 a.m. and 11 a.m.) In the car, I asked Brian was he thought and he said, "I loved it!" (I did too—it felt like I was home. Lame, but true.)
We went back the next week and the pastor was back and we liked him just as much as the guest minister the week before. After the service, more people welcomed us and the pastor talked to us for a few minutes. The other thing that I loved was that each week before the service the pastor asked other people if they had any joys or concerns and people actually stood up and told things—car wrecks, surgeries, new babies, and children passing major tests. Brian and I just couldn't get over how genuine everyone was. (Brian was also a huge fan of the children's sermon. I have to admit, I had missed it too!)
We continued to go each week and eventually decided to join (after about a month) and it's going great. Brian is already involved with the worship and music team! One of the things we really like is that the minister is married and has (grown) children. It sounds like a minor point, but it's not (at least not to me). I feel like when he talks about the difficulties of life that he's really lived in the same real world as the rest of us. I think that's important to making religion accessible.
And that's where we stand. We're very happy, excited, and enthusiastic and we feel very welcomed. I'm sure there will be things that we don't like and things that annoy us, but as of right now it just feels right.
I'm also embarking on my read the Bible challenge again. I downloaded a One Year Bible on my Kindle and each morning I plug it in to my car radio and listen to it on the text-to-talk feature on my way to work. It's been a really good way to make my commute go more smoothly and seem productive. Each day consists of an Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs reading. This afternoon, I also started listening to An Explanation of Luther's Small Catechism on the way home from work and it's really interesting. I studied it in Confirmation, back in 8th grade, but it's absolutely fascinating now after all I've gone through with my Catholic conversion and de-conversion.
For me, for the first time in a long time, I feel connected. I think Brian does too. (If he doesn't, he's a good liar. And, he's a horrible liar.)
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