Gatsby's Christmas Letter

Because of our impromptu trip to Cleveland, we're late at getting our Christmas cards out. We're aiming to get them done this weekend to get them in the mail on Monday. In our house, Brian is responsible for writing the letter and then I edit [READ: rewrite] it. ;-) We were laughing the other day about how funny it would be if Gatsby narrated our letter, but we thought it would probably be too over the top to do it and that everyone would think that that we are strange.

Well, we are.

So we decided that Gatsby would create an e-missive for the blog because, well, our life needs some comic relief right now.

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HEY GUYS!!! IT'S ME, GATSBY SAMUELS LeBLANC!!! THIS WAS THE BEST YEAR EVER!!

[EDS. NOTE: Master LeBlanc would prefer for his letter to continue in ALL CAPS; however, we realize that's a pain to read.]

In January, we went to visit Miss Ellie and Mr. Jay at the beach. But I didn't know what mom and dad meant by "the beach." It just looked like another house to me except it was cold and windy there. The best part of the trip was when someone dropped a bowl of popcorn and I ate it all off the floor. It was the best trip ever.

We also went back to their house later in January and that was when mom started talking about NutriSystem and ordering food. She kept talking about portion control and that seemed like a bad thing for a doggie because if she had "perfect" portions then there wasn't gonna be no extras for me. Man, I was right. It was the worst trip ever. In fact, I got so mad that I snuck off into Miss Ellie's room and peed on her comforter when nobody was looking. HAHA! I SHOWED THEM!!

February, March, and April were pretty typical cold doggie days. I woke up, ate breakfast, slept by the fireplace, ate dinner, and then played with my dad when he came home from work. I also watched all these houses get built behind us and we got a next door neighbor. His name is Ranger and he's an old dog. I like to bark at him and try to pee in his yard, but mom and dad won't let me. He doesn't really play with me. I also figured out that I like to sit up on the upstairs bed and watch the little kids play in our cul-de-sac. I wish I could go out and play with them, but mom and dad won't let me. :-(

In early May, we went back to Miss Ellie's house and I got to find out what everyone meant by the "beach." It was sandy there and there were lots of other doggies to bark at. That ocean thing is weird though, I wasn't really all about that. It kept chasing me. Jerk. In late May, my Aunt Callie and Uncle Clay got married and mom and dad ABANDONED ME. They took me to this place called Suite Paws that's a 5-Doggie-Star Hotel for an ENTIRE WEEKEND. I thought it was really going to suck until I realized that there were other doggies there and I got to play with them at daycare and mom and dad got me a cool suite with a TV. I got to watch Animal Planet all weekend and mom and dad watched me with something called a webcam.

June was hot.

In July we went to another beach (how many are there?!?!?!) and it was a FULL house. Lots of people and Aunt Callie and Uncle Clay brought my kitty cousins too. The kitty cousins stayed in another bedroom, but I saw them through the window. I just wanted to play with them, but the boy cousin Brewer hated me for no good reason! He kept hissing at me. Little jerk. The girl cousin Bama seemed interested in me, but Aunt Callie wouldn't let me play with them. She's a meanie head.

Before everyone came, I was just there with mom, Miss Ellie, and Mr. Jay and the best thing ever happened. Mr. Jay wasn't fast enough with the sliding glass door and I ESCAPED. I went for a run and everyone kept chasing me to play. Boy, those dumb old humans are SLOW. I had to keep stopping and waiting for them to catch up and then I'd take off again. They kept talking to me all nice-like and Miss Ellie even got in her car to come get me. Eventually I decided to get in and go for a ride with her. My mom was MAD and she stopped talking to me in that nice tone of voice. It sure was fun though.

I can't remember anything else that happened for the rest of the months except for the best thing ever that happened today. I was voted "ALL-STAR BOARDER OF THE WEEK" at Suite Paws. I mean let's be honest: there really was no other choice. I wasn't surprised at all. I AM the best doggie in the world. I don't know if there is an award for ALL-STAR DOGGIE OF THE YEAR, but if there is, I'll probably win it. If you want to send me a present, you can.

I hope you guys have a good Christmas and a good New Year. I'm tired and I'm going to take a nap.

Love,

Gatsby

PS: Please send me a pepperoni pizza (hold the pizza). Here is my address:

Gatsby S. LeBlanc

Gatsby's House

THANKS!